Bender Of Iron Will

Now sit yourselves down, lads 'n lasses. For this tale's a long one.

Once upon a time I had meself a strange map. One I couldn't figure out, as it was a heap of what looked like brown clay with markings in it. The thing constantly changed shape, but I knew it would lead me to treasure. I recognized some of the runes and they spoke of gold. Sadly, I wasn't as great a captain back then as I am now. I had a bit of a mutiny going on, and the traitors took off with my map and split it in fragments as they each went their own ways! After a while I decided to go retrieve them. Alone, as I didn't want a large group following me around. But I wouldn't be alone for long. On me way to the first place, Alifern, I came ta meet someone.

Her name was Stevie Ruggles, a lil' Halfling lass who was as curious as she was tenacious. I had written down some scribblings in order to help me along, and that lass was snooping around in me business. At first I waved her off as a dumb kid who was too nosy for her own good, but this one didn't give up. I eventually came to realize she was in fact a Halfling, and seeing as how I'm a sucker for adamant folk, I decided to indulge her in me quest. No one right in their mind would do that, but I tend to make pretty strange decisions at times.

Me crewmate was dead in the ground. I had sent Stevie away since I didn't really want her part of me journey, but as I said before, she was adamant. She caught me in the middle of digging up Erama when she spooked me. I was caught red handed, but she didn't cry for any guards. I figured she might have some use yet, so I dragged her along once I had me fragment in hands.

Next stop was Stoneridge. There we'd have to confront a crewmate who was actually still alive. Not a problem, right? Wrong, he was a Dwarf, and Dwarves like going underground. This guy was in hiding in a Miner's guild, meaning there were at least hundreds more of his ilk. This was a part where Stevie's help came in handy. It'd have taken me forever to find Buttsey in that sea of miners.

We got our fragment from him, ran for our lives from a bunch of angry Dwarves and we were back on our way. At this point I also noticed Stevie was wearing a dress. You see, I was thinking this entire time I was dealing with a short lad, but it was a short lass instead! It's probably not funny to anyone else, but the manner she managed to trick me in was simply too hilarious for me to handle.

Later on we got on an airship. The lass hadn't seen one of them before, so she seemed pretty impressed by them. Once that trip was done with, we found ourselves in a small Orcish community. In here we were supposed to find Bugface. She's an Ettercap, might I add.

She was found in an abandoned house by Stevie after she needed to hide from the public from eating the local farm animals. Apparently Stevie looked like a Halfling I had under my employ a couple of years ago, and Bugface took a liking to her. The feeling seemed to be vice versa. The two had an unusual friendship. After I received the fragment from Bugface, she decided to come back to me ship. I've always liked Bugface. She's the cleverest Ettercap I've ever seen. To be fair, she was still as dumb as a fish on dry land, but as far as Ettercaps go, she's a genius.

Sadly the local Orc population was not fond of us taking along a creature that had a bounty on her. We had to fight our way out, which was easier said than done. On the down side I got hit a couple of times before we were back on the airship. On the plus side, Stevie stabbed a butt. That was fun.

((To be continued))

Harr, do I love me some Hallow's Eve! Such a lovely time of spooks 'n freaks! Say what you will about the folks who live on the mainland, but they sure know how to make a holiday fun! And really, what is more fun than going around, walking into stranger's properties and demanding they turn over their sweets?

Now I'm too old to actually go around doing it myself. It's more of a children's holiday, I think. The children get the sweets and the adults get spooked by ghost stories and an overdose of rum. You might say the holiday has something for everyone. But this time I wanted to try something different. Me ship had been struck by a storm (again) and thus we were forced to stay docked while the old beauty got repaired. It did prove to have a spooky atmosphere, though! So instead of getting wasted and try out my flirting among the local wenches, I worked day 'n night to turn me ship into a haunted one. The one legends are made of: The Flying Dutchman.

I had it all planned! Me ship's belly got turned into a haunting maze of boxes 'n jumpscares. And in the middle of it all? A big bowl of sweets! It doesn't always have to be a bottle of booze. Drinks are fleeting, but sweets are forever. That's some advice from ol' Bender for ya!

So things are going well. We had a couple of people defecate themselves on multiple occasions, and even me crew was into it. Then we received this weird neon glowey lass aboard the ship. You see a lot of strange things on Hallow's Eve, but she took the cake. She seemed too brave to be trodding about in a ship filled with toy ghouls and spooks, but heck, I don't blame her. The call of candy was strong! After her came aboard this adorable little Drow lass dressed up as a little ducky. She was quite brave for even wanting to go aboard the ship. I was never that good with kids. Me temper's not really built to deal with 'em. But even I could see that this one was as innocent and calm as could be.

I later found out she was of the Zauviir family, but that's neither here or there. The nursing maid she had following her like a loyal dog seemed worried about her safety. I can't blame her, but she should've known better than to lay down the rules aboard me own ship. I'm an adult! I know well enough how to handle visitors appropriately! But enough about that. I lead the kiddo down me ship 'n she too was off to find the treats. I wouldn't have told that neon lass, but I'd definitely have given the Drow child a bit more sweets for daring to go through me maze.

Now, are ya seated? This is where the weird stuff happened! Once everyone reached the middle, one of me own crew was hung from the ceiling! Turns out a bunch of ghosts had appeared in The Moneymaker, angry that I had dared mock the Flying Dutchman's legacy like that! It didn't take too long before I ordered everyone to attack. I wouldn't allow no ghosts to kill of me crew like that. Especially when there were innocents aboard! All they wanted was a good time, and them ghosts ruined it! We fought them for a long time, indeed!

Luckily the visitors got out before they were hurt. The neon lass might've been able to handle them, but the kiddo 'n the nurse would've met an untimely doom. I sincerely hope the Zauviir lass believes this was all but an impressive lightshow built to scare anyone who'd climb aboard the ship. I don't mean for any trauma's to stick with her.

However, after that fight, I did learn something about meself. Me weaponry could actually strike the ghosts! I did not think it possible, but on Hallow's Eve I learned of me own magical capabilities. Mainly how I could channel arcane power into mundane steel. I didn't like it then 'n I don't like it now. Magic is a curse. I have kept it hidden for a long time, but morbid curiosity caused me to experiment some more with it.

You know what, I take back my words. Hallow's Eve sucks!

Now here is a story worth writing down. It had been many years I can ashore, and for the first time in me life, I actually came across a landlubber that I happened to like. If I recall correctly, the place was called Kurinsport or something of the like. I had business with a fallen prince. He wished to stage a coup d'etat, and me being the the type o' guy who likes the (rich) type of underdog, decided to offer him some less than honorable goods at a high price. Inflation 'n stuff, harr.

Sadly me ship had to suffer through a horrid storm. The sea tore me poor Moneymaker apart, but the old girl was still afloat! This did mean me early retirement would have to wait. My girl required some tending to first.

Anyway, back to landlubber. Me mind is failing with age, but I believe his name Arien. Arien Hunt? Arien Chase? I forget. He was a youngin. But a joyful lad none the less. He had some magical stuff going on about him as well, but he stroked me more of a swordsman. He also had a thing with a pretty hot sauce that he seemed to like. Too spicy for this tongue, but hell, to each their own.

Which reminds me, I've met an old ally that very same day. A Gnoll by the name of Flavio. He was much younger back then, and he was dead drunk as well. Quite the hilarious sight to see, if I do say so myself! Young Arien's sauce almost set the poor sod's tongue aflame!

We pretty much clicked right away. They were both hungry for coin and adventure. Per usual, I'm the type o' guy who delivers just that, for I am an aspiring individual who's not afraid of askin' for work! Most of my crew was gone at that point anyway, except for a few, but they were licking their wounds from the whole storm business. So these two made for fine company on the road.

We got on a cart and travelled the very next day. And boy did we laugh. It was a fun journey, until Arien started gettin' nosy. The lad though it was alright to go and poke around in me cart. He found some poisons the banished princeling wanted. He didn't seem to know what they were, though, but I made sure he wouldn't ask too many questions. I liked the kid, but curiosity killed the cat. It was a good lesson fer him.

On our way to Kurin's Pride, we did run into trouble, though. We had taken along a merchant with us. Fer safety reasons. 'N with good reason. Them bandits were well organised! Them's even had a Half-Giant with 'em (which I predicted, might I add). This leader, lady Brenniken, put up a good fight. But in the end she got defeated 'n we took her with us to sell to the city watch for a reward. I had to look honest, after all. Sadly, Alexander did not survive. We are unsure of how he died, but he did. We were forced to kill of his crazed Orc guard as well. It put a damper on things. He didn't seem like a bad man.

Kurin's Pride was a huge and technological city! It was quite a sight to see! After turning in Brenniken and spending that money on a night of heavy drinking, me 'n me friends were good to go the following morning. Down the sewers we were to meet the prince.

The prince had allied himself with the goblins that were down the sewers. Not great company for a prince, but hell, even I've sailed with worse. He also had this gigantic tiger with him, which I didn't trust from the beginning. But the treasure he gave us was real enough. Sadly, the prince's word wasn't. As soon as we left, he released that giant kittycat of his and we had to run for our lives. I thought I'd have lost young Arien in there, but the lad was cunning!

We hightailed it out of the city. A coup was sure to come, and knowing the prince wasn't going to grant us any sort of immunity. Luckily the trip back to the ship went well. No bandits to stop us this time. We all went home with a nice payment and me ship got fixed up well enough.

This is quite an old tale, but one I am glad to share. Others are soon to come as well, as people like meself meet up with some interestin' folks. Some who'm stay close to ya fer a long time.